Recently I was thinking about relationships and how to improve my relationship with everyone in my life - particularly with my family. While contemplating this, my mind went to the timeless advice given my many, many family members, friends, and famous individuals … the key to happy relationships is "sacrificing in love." Okay … I believe that to be true. But like many things that I’m learning recently, I believe our interpretation of it may be slightly off. Don’t get me wrong, sacrificing is noble, good, and right; but improperly applied, it has the potential to cause more damage than good. So how do we properly apply or enact sacrificing? Well, we need to understand its root meaning. The word "sacrifice" has its roots in Latin which ultimately means, "to make sacred." So does you giving up your night out with friends, or your time playing your favorite game a "sacrifice"? It can be. But there’s the rub. I see it frequently in myself as well as others, this notion that, “if I give up (sacrifice) something I love for her (or him), then they should do the same for me.” That is wrong! That attitude does not make your sacrifice "sacred." It just makes you miserable. Why is that? Well, Dr. Alexander Loyd in his book, The Love Code, explains it is because we are motivated by the wrong type of love. Yes … there are different types of love and we all too often base our actions off of the wrong type. This type is a selfish motivation; a prideful, narcissistic type. It’s the, "I’ll give up something for you so you should give up something for me," attitude. The problem with that is our relationships then become a scorecard. We instinctively keep track of all of the things we’ve done for him or her, and get easily annoyed when we’re asked to do more, or help beyond what we think is our responsibility … or even if they throw the score back at us (yes … that will inevitably happen)! So, what’s the remedy? It’s simple, really (and at the same time very difficult). Change your way of thinking - your paradigm - to simply give to your loved ones. Notice the subtle difference? It’s a simple, two-letter word that just needs to be removed from the sentence … up. Now, this isn’t mind-blowing or ground-breaking information. It’s just a simple step in the right direction to heal relationships. Stop viewing your actions towards your loved ones and things you have “given up”, and start looking at them as things you have given. There is a difference. When we give a gift at a birthday celebration or Christmas, do we expect anything in return? We shouldn’t. And when we don’t have that expectation, seeing the joy on the recipient's face when they open the gift is always the best experience. So why don’t we do this with our loved ones? Give it a try. Stop thinking in terms of 50/50. Stop keeping a mental score-card of all the things you’ve given up for your loved one. That’ll only create unrealistic expectations for them and drive a wedge between them and yourself. Instead, start thinking of the things you are doing as giving - and give 100% unconditionally. As you do so, focus on that giving being love-based. True, honest, unconditional love. By doing this, you’ll create a loving bond that will supersede anything this world could provide. By doing this, you’ll find more joy, love, peace, and even success than you could ever have imagined. This is true sacrifice. By giving in love, you have now made your actions and your relationship sacred. And look at what you have gained by doing so. It makes you realize that true sacrifice is not denoting a sense of lack, but true abundance. The abundance of love, joy, and peace.
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Michael N. WoolleyThank for joining me! Here I simply share my thoughts and ideas about life. Most of it is just my personal opinion so take it as you will. If you'd like to read fun adventures, then check out my YA FANTASY/ADVENTURE tab. You can also support me on Patreon where you'll then get more creative writing content. Archives
January 2020
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